Tuesday, December 21, 2010

Snowmageddon Survival A-Z

Just a little something I thought up in an attempt to stave off the cabin fever (I figured it was healthier than writing 'All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.' repeatedly, on a typewriter) So here are my top tips for surviving Snowmageddon:

A is for Alpine Trekking Poles - these puppies can come in very handy if you're unfortunate enough to have to walk places in the snow. My advice would be to get them in some of the smaller camping shops in town, rather than the bigger chain stores, which can be far more expensive. To give you an example, when I looked at the poles in the outdoor shop in Dundrum, they were around €100 PER POLE!!! My hubby got them in a camping supply store on Capel Street for around €30 for a set of 2.

B is for Boots - not the store, silly! The footwear! A half decent pair of boots/shoes needn't cost the earth, and can be a lifesaver when the snow arrives. Honestly, the amount of injuries that could be avoided if people had the correct footwear is probably huge! Yes, I'm talking to you, stupid lady walking through ankle deep snow in the Industrial Estate in a pair of stilettos!

C is for Careful Now! - whether it be on the roads or on the paths, the cold weather makes for some treacherous surfaces out there, so make sure to exercise caution when travelling. Lets face it, it's better to take a bit of extra time and arrive at your destination in one piece, rather than spending hours shivering on the road waiting for the AA to come, while your car is upside-down in a ditch because you took a corner at speed.



D is for DEFCON - well, defense readiness condition is what that stands for, and we all need to be ready to defend ourselves against the snow (or perhaps I just struggled to find something that 'D' is for). When the snow is forecast, make sure you've topped up on essentials for the house, food etc. An often forgotten essential is Loo Roll. The humble bog roll is often overlooked while people are busy loading their trollies with milk and canned goods, only to realise what they've forgotten a week or so later when the snow is lying thick on the ground outside. And we all know the bigger the multipack of TP the better the value, so rather than risk having to duct-tape a 24 pack of Kitten Soft to your back while you walk home from work, remember to stockpile instead, and save on the embarrassment.

E is for Engine - always make sure to keep your car's engine in good nick over the winter months. It could be the difference between spending the night warm in your home, and spending the night freezing in the boot of your car on the side of the M50. Pop a wee bit of de-icing fluid in your washer bottle too, so it won't freeze up.

F is for Feet - our poor old feet have a tough time of it in the snow and ice. As I already said above, invest in some suitable shoes/boots, but also get some good thick socks, especially if you're only breaking in the new shoesies, because there's a high chance you'll get a blister or two. Toss a pack of those Compeed plasters in your bag so you'll have them if the need arises.

G is for Grit - it's all fine and dandy on the main roads where the grit trucks 'can' go spreading, but in estates and driveways etc, conditions are treacherous. If you have some salt, sand, kitty litter or compost lying around, why not spread it on your front steps or driveway to help avoid slipping! Also a tip I heard was people carrying a bag of sand, or kitty litter in the boot of their car, and if they get stuck on the roads, they spread a bit out in front of the car to regain some traction. 

H is for Hat - a good hat is the foundation to a good day, in this weather at least. Make sure and dry it out well after it's worn (if it gets wet) cos there's nothing worse than walking home from work in a wet hat. Be creative and experiment with different types of hat, the zanier the better, it's all good! H is also for Horlicks, because it's even more delicious in this snowy weather, and they have a Light version too, for those who are watching their waistlines. Add to a blender full of Baileys, milk and Vanilla ice cream for a delicious boozey malt.




I is for Ice - which is most likely covering the windows of your car every morning. Tesco does a Super De-Icer which works in temperatures down as far as -30'C, so hopefully that should be enough to cope with the current freeze. At a tasty €3.80 for 600ml, there really is no excuse to not have a can of this in your car. Unless, of course, your local Tesco has sold out. In that instance, I'm afraid it's a case of 'you snooze - you lose'.

J is for Jumpers - woolly, fluffy, awesome Jumpers! Much like the hat, a good jumper is a must have for the crappy weather. Winter jacket not warm enough? Not a problem, just add a jumper! The key is to layer them. Start with a t-shirt, then a long sleeve t-shirt, then a light sweater, then a heavier one, and then your coat. Sorted! And I don't want to hear any bitching about the layers being cumbersome. This guy wore 155 t-shirts at the one time! Go talk to him about cumbersome!

K is for Knackers - snow will invariably attract all manner of reprobate, it's almost as though they're drawn to it. Said reprobate is usually between the ages of 8 and 25, and generally wears some sort of tracksuit ensemble that involves tucking the trousers into tube socks. Their favourite activity seems to be hurling projectiles at passing vehicles/people with reckless abandon, and total disregard for their safety. Really, when confronted by these yobs, there is little to be done, other than walk quickly past, try not to make eye contact, and hope that their aim is poor. If there's few enough of them, and nobody else is around, you could try hitting one of them a sly smack with your Alpine Trekking Pole, but often times, the risk of retaliatory measures makes this option inadvisable.

L is for Live Updates - be sure to check the bus/rail websites for live transport updates before you set out on your journey to see if there are cancellations or curtailments on your route. Had I done this a few weeks ago, I wouldn't have spent 2 hours of my life on a cold poxy bus, only to be dumped out at a roundabout with another hour and a half left to walk home. 

M is for Mince Pies - delicious mince pies! Nothing I like better when it's cold outside than a nice cuppa and a tasty pie! My husband is a huge fan too, so mince pies have a very short lifespan in our house. In fact, there's been talk of them being listed as a protected species, so make sure and eat all you can now, before they disappear!!



N is for Nose - walking home in the snow? Need to make a call or send a text on your touch screen phone, but don't want to take your gloves off and get your fingers all chilly? I have a solution for you: just use your nose! Please note that I take no responsibility for the inaccuracy of text messages sent, or the number of accidental phone calls made. I also take no responsibility for any embarrassment suffered while texting/dialling with your nose.

O is for Organisation - when huge amounts of snow fall, even the simplest of things - like getting milk from the local shop - turn into a massive ordeal, but it can be made less painful if you're organised. The first, and most obvious, thing is to allow extra time for any journey you have to make, whether it be in a car or on foot. Keep supplies in the boot of your car, like a shovel, grit (or similar), high vis vest in case you need to get out of the car, car charger for phone, ice scraper for windscreen, and sensible shoes. If you're walking to shops, I'd recommend bringing a backpack to get your groceries home in, it'll save your hands the pain of carrying multiple shopping bags. If you've got a really big shop to do, try and get your hands on a childrens' sleigh, and some bungee cords, that way you can load your shopping on the sleigh, secure with cords, and glide home. 

P is for Plow - that thing that's supposed to clear the roads but really just takes the top layer of snow off and leaves shiny ice. The best plows are the ones that have a scooper at the front, and a gritter at the back, so when they scrape the snow off, and spread grit and salt it actually penetrates and clears the roads. The main obstacle of the plow seems to be idiots who abandon their cars on the sides of roads, without pulling in far enough, so the plow can't get past. My estate has fallen victim to this, and in the last snowfall a couple of weeks ago, the plow couldn't get in, thanks to inconsiderate morons. If you're one of these morons, in future spare a thought for the humble plow and make everyone's life easier/safer: only abandon your car in a safe and unobtrusive location. P is also for Poo. Pet owners will know what I mean. The dog has gone out to do it's business, but before you get out to clean up, it snows, hiding the evidence. The upshot of this being that a week of snow/pooping will leave your garden a veritable minefield which is best avoided until a thaw has thoroughly set in and you can properly assess the terrain.

Q is for Quality Time - yes, I really struggled to find something that 'Q' is for, and this is the best I could do, so you'll just shut up and like it! What with snow hampering a lot of social plans, it seems like a good opportunity to spend some quality time at home, whether it be with a loved one, or a friend, a pet or even just on your own. Have a nice relaxing bath, make a hot cup of something, read a book or stick something on the TV and just chill out (no pun intended).

R is for Roads - which are in a shambolic state altogether. Actually R could also be for Rinks, which is basically what a lot of the roads resemble at the moment. Check out this video which shows what it was like for people trying to get onto the M50 at Dundrum, and also up the hill near our apartment. Actually, R could also be for Rear Wheel Drive, and the video illustrates nicely why it's useless in snow.




S is for Scenery - bet you thought it'd be S is for Snow! Ha! But seriously, once you get past the horrific driving conditions, the cold, the public transport drama, the airport closing, the accidents, the knackers with snowballs, etc the snow does actually make things look really pretty. So while you're sitting in your car on the way home from work, and have move the grand total of 100 metres in the space of an hour, take a moment to admire the snowy prettiness around you. It might give you a brief interlude of calm, in which to allow your blood pressure to fall to a near-normal level.

T is for Thunder - which is what it sounds like when the massive buildup of snow finally falls off the roof of our apartment building. Honestly, it sounds like the seven apocalyptic trumpets when the stuff starts raining down from the roof. If you're looking out your window while some falls, all you'll see is complete white for about ten seconds, and then the world will return. If you happen to be standing below where it falls....well then you won't see anything because you'll be dead.

U is for Urine - as anyone who has been stuck on the road for a long period during the snow will know, urine can cause quite the problem. Picture the scene: you're preparing for a long drive home, so you stock up with a nice hot cup of coffee, and a few bottles of water/juice, then get in the car and hit the road. 2 hours later, and you've just made it onto the motorway, but are stuck between exits when suddenly nature calls. What do you do? It could be another hour or more before you find a bathroom. Do you hop out of your car and pee on the hard shoulder? Do you wait it out, and hope that your pelvic floor muscles are up to the challenge? Of course, if you're male, you could simply relieve yourself into one of the empty water bottles in the car, but then you're faced with driving home in a car with a bottle of your own pee. Honestly there's really no way around this one other than to make sure you spend a penny before you set out on your journey, and try to drink as little as possible while you're driving. I had a near miss last year while driving home in the snow. Luckily I got to Bewleys in Leopardstown in the nick of time. I've never run faster in my life than when I ran down the corridor to their bathrooms. It was a photo finish, that's for sure!

V is for Vileda Squeegie Mop - a little known snowy weather essential. It's extremely useful if you're a pet owner because you'll have to let the little furball out to do his/her business in the garden, and when they come back in, soggy paws are an inevitability. Similarly affected are those who have to go outside to put things in the wheelie bin, and such. When you come back in, you'll track snow all over the floor, which will melt into little puddles. Enter the Vileda Squeegie Mop, which will easily absorb all excess moisture, leaving your floor puddle-free. It's also handy for brushing snow off your car.

W is for Walking Un-Aided - which is what I wish I could do, but alas I can't. Owing to my recent trip to the ground, crutches are a necessity for me for the moment, which makes getting out in the snow nearly impossible. Moral of the story? Unless you want to end up on crutches this holiday season, make sure to take extra care when you're walking out there!

X is for the X-shaped Patterns Snow Chains Make - if you're well prepared, this is the type of imprint your car will be leaving on the snow. Just make sure you've got the chains fitted properly, and don't use them on roads that aren't covered in snow, otherwise you'll wreck the roads and your tyres, and your snow chains. From what little research I've done on the topic, if you're considering buying a set of chains then it's worth forking over a little extra to buy a decent set, because if they snap while you're driving they'll do some serious damage to your car.

Y is for YakTrax - Yak what??? YakTrax are an awesome little device that you fit over the soles of your shoes to give you improved traction on snow and ice. I can personally vouch for their effectiveness; they're completely awesome! If there's one thing you buy this year to help you in the snow, I'd recommend these. My hubby bought them in the same camping shop where he bought my trekking poles, and they were somewhere in the region of €30. I reckon most good camping shops will have these dealies for sale. You can also buy them directly here.


Z is for Zooming - which means travelling at speed. Of course with the snow, you won't have been zooming anywhere, unless you're on a sleigh and heading down a hill. To unwind from all the hustle and bustle of the week, why not grab your sleigh and zoom your troubles away! 

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